Concerned About the Future...

So, as you know your whole high school career decides where you end up afterwards. Your grades, GPA, and Sat scores are what colleges judge you by.

Well, my dad is very encouraging in my mind. But I just don't know what I want to do.
Senior year is so stressful when you think about it.

I know it's cheaper to go to community for two years and then transfer, I could live at home and save money. But I could also go to a four year college and go through a great program. Learn to live on my own and such. And not going to college, isn't a option for me. I would be an idiot if I didn't.

So, my Dad always tells me I can do what I whatever want. He says that I can go to the county community college and then transfer, and that if I don't want to in county, I could go to another county and he'll pay the out of county fee. My dad say that if I want to go to a four year college I can to that too. He said this college is good and that college is good and so is this one. And blah, blah, blah. Whatever I want to do. He also said if I don't want to go to college that I have to get a trade job. I'm going to college, I'm not sure where or anything, but college.

When it came time for my brother to go to college four years ago, he had no trouble. He stupidly went to a college because that's where his best friend was going. It was 4-5 hours away and very expensive. It turned out he didn't want to go back after the first year. The second year he transferred for a year to another college and commuted. Then for his last two years he transferred to a college my parents recommended in the first place, and he loved it. He joined a fraternity and had a great time.
(All of his school were excellent and he kept a 4.0 to my knowledge.) Last week he started Law School... My brother is seriously a genius. I am nothing like my brother.

I'm told I can do anything I want. I can go to any college I want. But in my head I'm just screaming. "I don't think I'll get in! What if I don't?! My GPA is a 2.995 and my sat scores a 1320! I suck at writing under pressure, I can't write well when I'm timed!" I get all A's and B's (except for Bio and Chem my 9th & 10th year). My reading and math scores are perfect... it's just my writing is maybe about 40 points lower than I need them to be.

And what if my extra curricular activities aren't enough? It's not like I had a job.
I will have after this year:
- 3 years on bowling team.
- 3 years volunteer religious education teacher's aide.
- 4 years of Girl Scouts. (well 11 but during high school.)
- 4 years volunteer for hospitality at church (more but ^).
- 2 years of FFA (If could get a job as an officer, there's two spots open, if I want.)

I think that's it.
I make YouTube videos and read a lot. Does that count for anything? No? Well, okay. I tried.

You know what's perfect this year... a 90 is an A. It's an A-, but that's still and A!
Do you know how many times I go a 92... that's a B.
This year my school converted the grading scale so that 65 is failing. It used to be a 69 was an F.
The scale was:
A 93-100
B 85-92
C77-84
D 76-70
F 69 below

The current scale is under adjustment still, but 90+ is an A now & 65 is failing.
It's beautiful that we are equal to other schools now. 

But you know, a 92 will never feel a good a a 93. Because of that grading scale I grew up with, a 93 will  always be an A to me.

And because I'm a senior for any classes I get a 95 average for the year in I get exempted from the final. That's what I'm really aiming for this year, in all my classes. The lowest you can have in any marking period is a 93, so fingers cross that I will be exempt from most of my finals. 

Seniors at my school get a lot of privileges.
1. School parking (senior and staff only)
2. If you have study hall first or last period you can come in late/leave early.
3. Leave 5 minutes early on Fridays.
4. Senior only court yard for lunch.
5. Exempt from finals with a 95 average.
And then there's holiday parties an example would be the Halloween party. Only seniors are allowed to wear costumes at my school (they have to be per-approved of course.) And we get to walk around the school, they call it the Senior Parade.

** And now this as of this year Cell Phones are allowed during hallway passing time and lunch no questions asked. Not in homeroom, but they may be used in class only when the teacher says. And study hall if the teacher allows it, mine does. Everyone uses their phones whenever they want anyway, but now no one will get in trouble. It's great, now I don't have to look for teacher's and security when I check the time during lunch.

This whole time has turned into a rant... kind of. 

Okay... Ta Ta for now.
Your Senior EmilyIsNotShy.

My Private Journal Now Public.

My thoughts. My Word. My Life. My Story. My Journal.

What you read on here is my journal. My notes to self. My inner thought and feelings that I express to no one, but you, the reader. I just felt like this needed to be somewhere besides a document on my laptop.

Hey there, my name is Emily. And I am a social outcast. I’m serious right now… sadly.
I write in a “journal” every once in a while to get my feelings out somewhere and I feel the need to do something with it now. I’m just another teen out there in the world. I feel lost and I feel hopeless at times, but I know none of it is permanent. Almost nothing is.
So when you’re feeling down read my posts from my “journal” and know that you are never alone. Ask me anything you want. Or just talk to me when you need a friend. Don’t feel as though you are bothering me because you’re not, so feel free.
I’m here,
Your “forever alone” EmilyIsNotShy